this is something i want so badly to be scathing, but i think it falls short

there was this one time when i was younger, like 6, or 7, when i wrote a letter to my mother. it was about a page long, citing all of my grievances i had towards her, telling her how much i hated her, wished i had another mother to replace her, telling her how stupid she was, and basically wishing that she would die so my dad could marry someone else to be my mother. back then i was beginning to understand the concept of hate, and becoming aware of how your own actions had an effect on other people. i am not the type of person to be angered easily, just irritated by things there and there. but ever since that seemingly innocent handwritten letter given to my mother had the ability to stupor my mother in to a deep depression, all because of some words i had said, in the childish articulation.

but now i've grown older, perhaps marginally wiser, but cliches aside, there is one person who i have had the displeasure of meeting earlier this year, a boy of twenty years; he's not unattractive, but has been blessed with handsome features and a toned, muscular body. This boy is a charmer, and all he had to do was say a few words, and oh how those words were so smooth and made everything melt. time set us a part over the summer to be introduced to new changes and these changes came with no warning, and his knew all along about them. i felt humiliated, a fool, that i should've known better.

These fights continue almost daily, over text, over im, over any medium of communication that does not require face to face interaction. seems very non confrontational to me, but what do i know? never have i been told that "i'm getting too emotional, it's ridiculous" and constantly interrupts me then claims he's busy and he hangs up as I'm talking. But somehow these fights keep going on and on. i've just about had it up to here. He keeps contacting me for "other reasons," and these reasons are only superficial traps to take advantage of something i have to offer. i shouldn't be so spineless, and i should have the self-control to say no, the right refusal skills that kick in at the proper time.

i cry, i cry for no reason, i cry because i hurt, i cry because i want, i cry because i'm scared, i cry from the loneliness. i cry these useless tears, i cry over hurtful words, i just want to stop crying. no more tears, a contented mine, no sadness.

he has been one of the most rude, disrespectful, chauvinistic, saboteurs i've ever come to know. if there is anyone who is the epitome of arrogance and narcissism, it's him. he's lustful, self-centered, spoiled, and does not consider others before himself. he can't be bothered to do something, unless he will be a benefactor. he will call you names, make you feel worthless, and not even care you are slowly dying. if he were to die tomorrow, my life would be so much better.