i made a mistake

a really stupid mistake at that--
using a cast iron skillet that i didn't know i wasn't supposed to use.
now i feel awful,
as if i've trespassed on the most valuable of land,
fuck.

fuck you anxiety,
by now other people would've shrugged this off,
fuck my self-consciousness,
insecurity,
being so absorbed in the perceptions of others--
damn it.

all i want is
to feel welcomed,
like i am getting along,
like you genuinely like me for me.
i want none of this surface bullshit
that many teenage girls treat
each other with.