being wide awake while fast asleep.

several nights of
difficulty sleeping,
staying asleep,
and then trying to
fall back asleep--
i do not enjoy this
fluctuation of
slumber.

my mind is so active--
why?
why, before i sleep,
do i have to
think about yesterday,
or four days from now,
or even six years past?
my mind is
so unkind to my body.

---

four years ago,
you took my innocence.
i willingly gave it up,
in exchange for body heat,
for a kiss,
a loving gaze,
words of care and affection.
but i do not think of you.
i think of the boy
who abused me,
tortured me, sought to
harm another soul.
you--you are wicked,
depraved even; die!
die already.

the male gender
evidently
rules my mind.
how characteristic
of a young woman.

i want to kiss who
i want to kiss.
i want to touch who
i want to touch.
i want to fuck who
i want to fuck.
i want to talk to who
i want to talk.
i want to glance at who
i want to glance.

boys and girls,
come to me.

---


i guess
i am very tired,
emotionally,
and physically.