do i ache?

i sit here,
with a sore body,
an aching heart,
an apathetic mind.
i cannot deny
that i hurt,
physically, but not
emotionally.

do i feel sad?
i do not know--
i cannot feel.
am i disappointed?
am i content?
am i depressed?
my mind is agonized
with questions that
my heart cannot answer.
i just know
that i cannot feel.

believe me
when i say that
it is beyond agonizing
when you cannot distinguish
the difference between
happiness and anger.
the constant limbo of
feelings that are felt exist,
but they cannot
be classified.

damn the apathy i feel,
to the darkest depths,
the deepest of crevasses,
the hottest of fires,
and the most unbearable areas
of hell.