"i've never been in love."

i would say that at fifteen.
at a year later, that would become false.

i've been in love once.
this kind of love i was once in
was naive,
fun,
honest, lustful,
inquisitive, laid-back,
stressful, happy,
chaotic, upsetting, desired,
comfortable, depressing,
passionate, needed,
yearning, and
gave you that butterflies-in-the stomach feeling
that made you wish
that you could lay next to
your love in bed
for the rest of your life
and--
to get kisses goodnight and good morning.


i don't know what love really is anymore.
passion? care? want and need with desire?
a blend of these things?

i profess "i love you!" to friends,
family, people i care about--
but that is not the same type of love
that you share with
one
other
person.


i'm scared to find that type of love
that i had once before.