my home is foreign.

i am going to go where the sun always shines,
the girls are pretty,
the boys are handsome,
where the fun never fucking stops.
but it's all become so estranged from me.

i can't be in my own neighborhood
without feeling like i will rile up
stupid, idiotic, meaningless, childish drama!
fuck you for "hating me"; you got what you deserve.
stop trying to blame me for everything you did...
to me, me, ME.
i can only smile with how demented you lead
a misconstrued life; you're so fucking pathetic.

my mother always has a reason
to bicker and argue with me,
my father cannot defend me, nor can he.
kind father of mine, you have no spine.
my house can definitely feel
as if it is not a home.

i run to alex, to becca.
the way i miss them--
i feel pains in my heart,
it is so awful.

god, i don't recognize the people
like i used to (and please, don't take offense)!
driving on mira mesa boulevard,
i feel like i don't belong.
i belong in la mesa, or santee,
or encinitas, or oceanside:
all of these places are strange to me,
i feel more at home in a place i don't know
than my own hometown.
i've been away too long.
it's been too long.
is this what will happen to me when i am older?


when i step foot in san diego,
i want to bask in the sun,
lay by the poolside
and relax with beirut.