dirty deeds

i go to bed with you,
but my mind is on someone else.
your muscular body,
your angular face,
your tender kisses--
i cannot help but avoid your eyes
and picture someone else.

i lay next to you,
i feel your body's movement,
up, down, inhale, exhale.
the warmth on those cold nights,
i cannot deny that i crave it,
i want it, i enjoy it, i need more of it.

i can't look at you, dear boy.
i can't say that i'm sorry
to avoid you, to not talk to you,
to not look at you straight in the eyes.
you are too ostentatious,
you are a misogynist, a user.
but, i am like you, a user.

i hate your gazes,
i hate your poise,
i hate your stature
and your arrogant and egotistical nature.
your voice grates on my eardrums,
and your presence gives me an
overwhelming sense of discomfort.

i wish i never got involved with you,
i suppose i am sorry...
pity onto you.