fffffffff!

the weather lately blows, like literally. seriously, it;s times when the weather is windy, rainy, and cold that i wish i were in sd. too bad sd is boring as fuck though.

i don't know

it's really sad when you've put so much into someone, and they return the favor by not acknowledging your existence.

but whatever, it's over. i love my life and i love who i get to be surrounded by every day.

so um

lately it's become more evident that i do things without thinking them through ahead of time. i'm left after wondering what the fuck was i thinking, and how i'm tangled in the clusterfuck of the year and it's only three days into the new year. fuck, how terrible is that?

maybe in addition to spending less money and saving more, i should think about making another new year's resolution to stop acting on impulse and stop my hedonistic ways. (to be honest though, i've come a long way from my OLD hedonistic days, but i guess old habits die hard, right?)

a lil' sumthin'-sumthin' about water

i wrote this because i was paid to write this, but that doesn't mean i am not passionate about the subject. here, you will discover why i love water and why i love the US's water purification system.


Here in the United States, water is considered a commodity. Ask for it at any restaurant and it will be given to you for free, sometimes even with ice. Most Americans don’t realize that their country has the resources to produce some of the cleanest water, while a sixth of the world’s population is causing death in higher numbers than violence and war, combined (charitywater.org). Access to clean water and knowledge of proper sanitary practices have worsened to become a huge public health issue of the twenty-first century.
Water is one of the essentials to human life. At birth, children are made up of almost eighty percent water, while adults are anywhere from fifty-five to sixty-five percent (Dr. Jeffrey Utz, MD). In emergency situations, the human body can go without water for three to four days before death, but the effects of dehydration are experienced in twelve to twenty-four hours without water. The body constantly needs a consistent supply of water for sustenance and normal day-to-day functions. Thirsty? Usually you wouldn’t give second thought to going down to your kitchen and getting a glass of water. About 1.1 billion people have no access to drinkable water, and go in search for it, only to find water that carries water-borne illnesses. It is estimated that 4,200 people die from a lack of proper sanitary practices and contaminated water every day. Of those 4,200, ninety percent of those people are children under five years of age (www.ethoswater.com).
The Earth is surrounded by water, most of the water being saltwater. It is mistakenly thought that this saltwater is easily purified into water that is safe to drink. Unfortunately, this is not the case. Saltwater purification is costly and time-consuming. The technology for purifying seawater also is not technologically advanced, as it is not a widely common practice. Water covers seventy percent of the world, but only two percent is usable freshwater. This two percent must be shared among the six billion people populating the world, but there is a severe disproportion of these resources because of modern politics and the unequal distribution of wealth among countries. The majority of the measly two percent is inaccessible because it is located in the arctic regions in the form of permafrost, glaciers, and snow. Wells are needed to access the other portion located in underground aquifers, but wells are expensive to drill and the technology is often difficult to secure. For 1.1 billion people, they are sitting on top of a source of water, but have no way of getting to it.
Just because water looks and smells “clean,” doesn’t mean it’s safe. Diseases transmitted through the water stem from fecal-oral diseases such as cholera, diarrhea, hepatitis A, dysentery, and intestinal worms, among others. Water-washed diseases occur when washing and personal hygiene are rarely practiced or not practiced at all and skin and eye infections result, like trachoma (www.childinfo.org).
Imagine your life and how it would change if you were never able to do your laundry, never able to take a shower, or never get a glass of water when you were thirsty. You would surely be living like a haggard, wrought with sickness and hallucinations from dehydration, teetering on the verge of death. Is that really a way to live?

P.S. We are still in a drought crisis in CA!! Please do everything you can to conserve water. The earth is surrounded by 90% of water, yet 6 billion people have to share 1% that is usable and safe.

twilight: the movie

Ok, so my sister Kristin always seems to be drawn to movies with dumb plots and a weak cast with a predictable ending. Thus was the situation with "Twilight." Robert Pattinson plays Edward Cullen, an awkward high schooler who has an unusually pale pallor and is socially awkward. Bella is a new girl who moves to the cloudy depths of Forks, Oregon to live with her father because her mother has married some dude and they are going to move to Florida and Florida seems like a shitty place to live in. If I were Bella, I would've chosen Florida, I mean come on, Miami is there. Fuck Forks. I've never heard of Forks, and I don't even know if Forks even exists. I also hate forests, because they have like, trails and lots of dirt and seriously, no one wants to be around 50 bazillion pine needles all the goddamn time. Anyway, so you find out that Edward has the hots for Bella in two ways: not only does he think Bella is hot shit, but he also wants to eat her blood because she smells yummy. Blah blah blah, Edward never appears in the sunlight because his skin sparkles (seriously what the hell, I mean really). Then all the sudden Bella becomes a member of Edward's vampire family. Slightly typical, but it was really touching how Bella and Edward became so tender towards each other, and how accepting the Cullens were towards Bella. That's basically it, besides this weird baseball scene where the Cullens play when the weather is full of lightning and thunder and a vampire show down in Bella's old dance studio. This movie is not worth the $8 I wasted, but I guess it was entertaining.

But seriously, Forks? Really?

i don't get it

ok well i am supposed to be hard at work finishing a paper on grice's maxims, but i can't seem to concentrate on that. kristin is coming here with pizza soon, and i am waiting in anticipation. plus, i've been feeling really weak from a change in medicine and it's driving me insane. even with a full stomach i feel like my body is weighted down by lead weights and it blows.


but seriously though, i don't understand the deal with people who can manage to smoke and drink and do drugs just about every day while they're in school. is it an addiction? is it a desire to escape pressure from friends, family, school? is it a vice for a subordinate psychological issue? do they not want to be in school? do they understand that they or their parents aren't paying for them to fail or have expensive days away from home. is it a maturity thing? what is it? is there no one concrete answer? some one tell me, i'm dying to know.

the girl with the attachment problems

it's often said fool me once, shame on you; fool me twice, shame on me. well take those "fool me"s and multiply that by 30 and you will have 30 more "shame on me"s to add to my embarrassing list. how could someone who did so little matter so much? it's mind-boggling, i know, but here's the rationale:

a. i can't put my ego aside. i have a specific attitude about certain actions. deceive me, and i'll think you're the devil reincarnated. you deserve to die.
b. i have to have the last word. you can't have it, i need to have the closing thoughts. why? they're the last words that should resound with you as you leave.
c. i need to see you are sorry. this needs to translate into some sort of action on your part.
d. i am never at fault (refer to a), unless i admit i am. admitting i'm at fault may take some time, but if i am, i will tell you, and i won't harbor it as some big secret.


for the record, i don't have a drug problem. it's a problem when it affects how i live my life day to day, and nothing has been going awry to my knowledge. to those who think i do, please go and fuck yourselves and don't tell me i have a drug problem when you see me going to school everyday, attending class, turning in assignments, and getting those well-deserved a's.

i can really quit being stupid now

i really enjoy those epiphanies or moments of clarity you seem to randomly get right when you need it. like how i've had a thorn lodged in my neck for the past month and was too dumb to realize that i needed to just pull that shit out instead of slowly twisting it one way while gently pulling in hopes of dislodging it that way. but this is all figurative speak, but realistically i've decided i'm finally done trying in the best way i know how to "make things ok again" because there's no such status. and try as i might, i know i've been saying "ok this is THE time i am really done" just to find myself stuck in the same ditch two days later, but i am trying to run on my own self-determination so things can REALLY be alright for me, and only me.

this is something i want so badly to be scathing, but i think it falls short

there was this one time when i was younger, like 6, or 7, when i wrote a letter to my mother. it was about a page long, citing all of my grievances i had towards her, telling her how much i hated her, wished i had another mother to replace her, telling her how stupid she was, and basically wishing that she would die so my dad could marry someone else to be my mother. back then i was beginning to understand the concept of hate, and becoming aware of how your own actions had an effect on other people. i am not the type of person to be angered easily, just irritated by things there and there. but ever since that seemingly innocent handwritten letter given to my mother had the ability to stupor my mother in to a deep depression, all because of some words i had said, in the childish articulation.

but now i've grown older, perhaps marginally wiser, but cliches aside, there is one person who i have had the displeasure of meeting earlier this year, a boy of twenty years; he's not unattractive, but has been blessed with handsome features and a toned, muscular body. This boy is a charmer, and all he had to do was say a few words, and oh how those words were so smooth and made everything melt. time set us a part over the summer to be introduced to new changes and these changes came with no warning, and his knew all along about them. i felt humiliated, a fool, that i should've known better.

These fights continue almost daily, over text, over im, over any medium of communication that does not require face to face interaction. seems very non confrontational to me, but what do i know? never have i been told that "i'm getting too emotional, it's ridiculous" and constantly interrupts me then claims he's busy and he hangs up as I'm talking. But somehow these fights keep going on and on. i've just about had it up to here. He keeps contacting me for "other reasons," and these reasons are only superficial traps to take advantage of something i have to offer. i shouldn't be so spineless, and i should have the self-control to say no, the right refusal skills that kick in at the proper time.

i cry, i cry for no reason, i cry because i hurt, i cry because i want, i cry because i'm scared, i cry from the loneliness. i cry these useless tears, i cry over hurtful words, i just want to stop crying. no more tears, a contented mine, no sadness.

he has been one of the most rude, disrespectful, chauvinistic, saboteurs i've ever come to know. if there is anyone who is the epitome of arrogance and narcissism, it's him. he's lustful, self-centered, spoiled, and does not consider others before himself. he can't be bothered to do something, unless he will be a benefactor. he will call you names, make you feel worthless, and not even care you are slowly dying. if he were to die tomorrow, my life would be so much better.

ugh

for now,
the mantras to live by are:

do not cry over someone
wouldn't cry over you.

do not be upset over
someone who is insignificant
to you.

do not disrespect yourself.

do not surround yourself with
company who doesn't appreciate yours.

follow these,
and you'll be
just
fine.